Logline: a miserable conman and his partner pose as Santa and his Little Helper to rob department stores on Christmas Eve. But they run into problems when the conman befriends a troubled kid, and the security boss discovers the plot.
Written by: Glen Ficarra & John Requa (known for: Bad News Bears, Cats & Dogs, I Love You Phillip Morris, and the upcoming Focus which will star Will Smith) -- Revisions were made by Joel & Ethan Coen, polished by Terry Zwigoff
Dated: February 1st, 2002.
Pages: 91
Before I say anything, I have to get something off my chest. I love Bill Murray. I'm going to see Monuments Men when it comes out because he's in it. I love Jack Nicholson and I think he's one of the best actors ever. But when it comes to Bad Santa I just can't picture anyone other than Billy Bob Thornton. It's hard for me to even think of anyone else playing this iconic character. I also have to admit that I don't read iMDB trivia that often, so when I opened this script, I had NO idea I'd find "Revisions by Joel and Ethan Coen" on the title page. I was ecstatic. I had no idea they helped sculpt this movie.
The draft that I read of this film was pretty close to being the final. Some parts of the film are missing in this draft and other parts are written differently. This is a perfect opportunity to analyse these difference and ask why they were made.
No Advent Calendar
I was kind of shocked to see this missing from the script. I'm sooo glad they added it to the story. Willie's flaw is very clear. He doesn't care about anything. Thurman loves his advent calendar and takes it super seriously. When Willie rips this apart and ruins it, we see his flaw at its very darkest peak. This allows us to see the change in Willie when he wakes up the next morning and is overwhelmed with guilt. A good way to show character development is to show his/her flaw clearly and have them feel the guilt of it after.
Blackmailing
The scene where Willie and Marcus threaten Chipeska that they'll blame their termination on discrimination of small people is different. Instead of having this confrontation like in the movie, Chipeska brings it up as a possibility when talking to Gin (Bernie Mac's character). Don't have your story based on assumptions. Having Chipeska assume something isn't as fun as watching his assumption get thrown into his face.
Thurman's Revenge
The T-Shirt says "SHIT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PARTY NAKED" at the end of the script, but there isn't revenge against the bully who have him a wedgie earlier. Instead Thurman just cleans blood off his doorstep. Thurman's flaw was clear. He didn't have the courage to stand up and be brave. By having him avenge himself (albeit by kicking the bully in his nuts to garner a cheap laugh), we not only complete the kid's arc, but make Willie's contribution to the kid's life even greater. Always finish your arcs for every character.
These were the three major changes that I noticed. But, I wanted to move on to some different aspects of the script because there's a lot to talk about.
Character Likeability
Willie is the biggest scumbag on the planet. There is no possible way to like this guy. He's so absurd that he curses in front of kids. He's a thief. He's the most ugly person you'll ever meet. His partner tells him this, flat out. So what makes Willie such an awesome character? He's fascinating! Why? Well, ask yourself something. Would Willie be a great character if he were a mechanic? A pizza guy? The answer is no. What makes Willie fascinating is his career choice (well, his career choice that disguises his career choice). He's Santa! The jolly plump red cheeked children's hero. When you think of Santa, you don't think of an alcoholic who robs dept. stores. When you clash such an ugly character with a classic holiday hero, you're going to get people interested. It's comical to see Santa swearing and having sex at Women's Big & Tall. I know comedy is very subjective, but the potential of people liking this is sky high. Sometimes making a character this miserable and ugly can backfire, but when you contrast it with a character like Thurman, not only are you in for some good dialogue, you keep us in our seats because we care. This leads me to --
Save-the-Cat Alert!
Thurman saves Willie just as he's about to get beaten up in the parking lot outside of the Angus Bar & Grill. We may not like Willie as a human being, but this kid's well-being is immediately vulnerable when Willie drives him home. It's great that we care for Thurman. We sympathize for him because he has no one taking care of him. We know he has a good heart because he tried his best to save Santa and he wasn't afraid. It's the perfect contrast to a character like Willie who is critically flawed.
Goals
The only thing keeping this story from getting an A on my ratings scale is its lack of character goals. For a large majority of this script we have Willie taking it easy at Thurman's house. Although scenes of Thurman driving him nuts are hilarious, the pace of this story could have benefited from a more active protagonist. People who don't find these scenes funny might find this movie a bit dull because it relies heavily on the chemistry between our anti-hero and the kid instead of our anti-heroes goals and ambitions.
Set-Up/Pay-off
There is an awesome piece of dialogue set up when Marcus tells Willie to stick to women at Big & Tall. Later in the script Willie tells Marcus that he's changed and Marcus responds by asking him if he's moved on to Petites. Willie responds, no, but I beat the crap out of a few kids today - but, you know, for a purpose. And Marcus responds that he needs many years of therapy.
Petites is set up earlier when Marcus talks about Women's Big & Tall. It makes sense as a zinger & it adds cohesion to the story. If you can set one thing up early in the script and pay it off later on, your story seems less random. It's also important to note Willie's response. Instead of saying "fuck off" like we'd expect a person to reply, he responds with an ironic "no, but I beat the crap out of some kids" which works with the Petite zinger. I thought it was great.
Dialogue
I love the dialogue in this script. If you have good characters that contrast each other, you're going to have good dialogue. If you have two characters that are kind of the same (Willie and Marcus are both greedy scumbags), make one of them different physically like they did here. It worked.
Amateur scripts have straight answers. It's funny because while I was reading this, Thurman punishes Willie for giving straight answers. Every yes or no answer is followed by another question until Willie flips his shit.
Kid: You're bringing my present early?
Willie: NO.
Kid: But I never told you what I wanted.
Willie: I said I didn't bring it, dipshit.
If you're going to give a straight answer, try having the other character punish it. See how it works.
Consensus
One of my all time favorite Christmas movies. It suffers from the lack of a strong character goal. Willie essentially sits around and waits for Christmas to rob his mall. He doesn't attempt to better himself until his conscience eats at him. Everything else is well written and if this is your type of comedy, you'll love the movie. It has some great stuff in it. Willie is a fascinating character.
B+
Background: Back in 1993, it appeared that James Cameron was going to write and direct The Amazing Spider-Man. There have been a lot of rumors surrounding what could-have-been. Arnold Schwarzenegger was actually rumored to play Doctor Otto Octavius at one point. It's kind of unclear for which Cameron Spider-Man that would have been for, because it appears he attempted two different Spidey projects. This script we're reviewing today must have been his first attempt, given that his second was set to be filled with sex, violence, and profanity.
Written by: Barry Cohen, Ted Newsen, & James Cameron
Page Count: 120ish pages (copy and pasted)
Dated: July, 29th, 1993.
Script Link: http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/spider_man_cohen_newson_cameron_8_4_93draft.html
When it comes to comic book movies, there's a certain spot in my heart that expects a high standard of storytelling. Let's face it. Marvel and DC have become powerhouses at the box-office. Thor 2 just hit half a billion dollars. You could argue that this surge of momentum started in 2002 when Sam Raimi's Spider-Man hit theatres. Sure, we had the success of Batman at this point, but shit hit the fan after spidey launched. Think of all the comic book movies in the past 10 years. It's incredible. Anyway. This script would have led to our first major impression of Spidey on the big screen. Could blockbuster titan James Cameron possibly create a Spider-Man film better than the one which set the bar in '04?
The answer, and I'll say it simply, is no.
This screenplay was a bit of a mess and lacked sufficient conflict to keep me interested.
I completely understand that this was 1993. Superhero movies were not intended to have a dark tone as Christopher Nolan set with his Batman Trilogy. Maybe I'm not supposed to take Spider-Man as seriously as I do. BUT, that's not the point here. I'm blessed with having two different eras of Spidey franchises. I'm even more blessed to have the opportunity to see "what could have been" by reading this script. It's a great time to compare and contrast what worked and what didn't. I'll be focusing more on Raimi's Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 in this review because Webb's version is way too recent and there's a 20 year gap between scripts.
Lets dip into the story.
Peter Parker is a senior in University and we see a few familiar faces on campus -- Liz, Harry, and Flash. His science professor is a bit cuckoo. You might now him as Doctor Otto Octavius and you SHOULD know him as "Doc Ock". We begin in an old dingy basement under their lecture hall where Ock conducts experiments on a machine he calls the Cyclotron with his sidekick Weiner. The university is quite sick of his antics and they want him out, but he's convinced that his work is almost complete. Peter is extremely bad with girls. He likes Liz, but doesn't have the courage to ask her out. Long story short -- Ock wants Peter's help, but Peter already offered to work exclusively with the Dean on his next paper. Ock gets angry, fires up the machine and it backfires -- causing him to turn into an evil monster with mechanical arms called "Waldos". Peter leaves only to discover ambulances and fire trucks arriving outside the building. In attempt to get pictures (yes JJ is in this story), Peter goes back into the building, gets bitten by a spider and whoala -- SPIDER-MAN!!!
He trains on top of buildings, learns his new powers, becomes a wrestler, and then Uncle Ben dies. We all know that story. But it's different. Weiner actually kills Uncle Ben while searching for Peter's science work. Peter decides he wants to be more than just a wrestler after this. Spidey tracks down Weiner and drops him 3 stories off a building into some bushes, leaving him with a message that Doc Ock can't have Peter's help.
The story comes to a close when Doc Ock tries for one final time to get the Cyclotron working and Spider-Man has to stop him before the world ends.
I could sit and talk about Spider-Man all day, but this is about learning the craft.
1) Set up conflict as much as possible. This script lacked the conflict that Raimi's Spider-Man was so successful with. Peter lives on his own in this story. There isn't the constant pressure of always being expected home at a certain time to avoid suspicion. There isn't the guilt when Peter forgets to do things for Uncle Ben and Aunt May because he's so caught up with being Spider-Man. If your character is hiding something, find ways to put him in situations where he could be exposed.
2) This is the same lesson as the first point. In Raimi's Spider-Man, Harry is in love with Mary Jane. They actually date and develop a relationship with each other. This causes a ton of friction between characters. In this story -- Harry hardly has any purpose. Liz and Flash aren't a couple. Liz is there for the taking. Peter just has to find the courage. Not as fun.
3) A character should always have a purpose. Harry's character in this script was paper thin. I can't recall any purpose of writing this character into the story. He's in a few early scenes where he gets shut down by Kim (Liz's friend, hottest girl in school) and then he's in a few scenes near the end working on computers to learn about the Cyclotron. He's never developed. Not a single bit. This is such a glaring mistake after watching Raimi's Harry as a central character to that plot.
4) Personally connect your hero to his journey. The Uncle Ben death scene in Raimi's Spider-Man is monumental. Peter's selfishness leads to a crook gunning down his father figure. Uncle Ben dies in Peter's arms. One of the last things he remembers his Uncle saying was the famous quote "with great power comes great responsibility". Weiner killing Uncle Ben doesn't personally attach Peter to the journey of becoming Spider-Man as effectively because it wasn't his fault.
5) Embarrass your hero! One of the best ways to gain likeability of your protagonist is to embarrass him. Ock sets a minor fire to the lecture hall in the opening sequence. Liz is trapped behind flames. Peter goes to put the fire out with an extinguisher, but fails to work it properly. Flash shoves him out of the way and puts it out himself. Liz jumps in Flash's arms for saving her. In this moment, we can't help but feel sorry for Peter. The writers killed 2 birds with one stone here. Peter tries to "Save-the-Cat!" and gets embarrassed while doing it.
6) Always look over every scene and ask if it's believable. In this story, Harry teaches Liz to read computer code in under a minute while researching the Cyclotron. Ummm... yeah right.
7) Have other characters tell your character's backstory when possible. Harry runs up to Peter in the middle of a conversation with Liz and asks if the Astro-Physics Journal really accepted his paper. This works so much better than writing it in a character description. It's better to show a character's traits.
8) Ticking time bomb! Spidey has to destroy the Cyclotron before its timer hits 0:00 and the world ends. The stakes are jacked to the max here. It's not just life or death of one character -- we're talking the WHOLE world. I like this formula. I know its becoming a trope of modern day Superhero movies, but it works! It gives our story a time limit and it forces our characters to act.
9) Humanize the villain. In Spider-Man 2 we get a few scenes with Octavius at home with his wife. He's a normal guy. It isn't until the his experiment backfires that he turns into an evil lunatic. This helps us understand and makes it tragic in a way. In this script, Ock was always about himself. We don't get any scenes of him outside his basement laboratory. He's always known what the Cyclotron could do, he just didn't care of the outcome.
Now, this is only a 3rd Revision done by James Cameron. I can't say this was going to be the final product. This is what I have and it's the only thing I'm reviewing. The errors here could have been corrected by Cameron in a later draft for all I know. Heck, the story might even be completely different. It's just nice to be able to learn from a script written by one of the most successful filmmakers of all-time.
Unfortunately, I have to give this a bad rating. I really did want to like it though.
C
P.S. This is my first official blog post. I'm just blurting out things I've learnt from reading the script and comparing it to the 2004 film. I hope to keep my future articles really short. I'm talking written in under 30 mins short. It'll just take some time to find what format I like to use best.
The absolute best way to learn about the craft is to read screenplays. My goal (as any good character should have) is to fill this blog with as many insightful tips, tricks and theories as I can wrap my mind around. I intend on learning something from every screenplay that I read and in each of my reviews I hope to discover something different. I want to be able to review each post and think to myself: "Aha! I can use this!" when I'm drawing a blank in my own writing. I hope that my discoveries and knowledge of the craft will catch on and help anyone who follows!
